Confused
by Kaouri18
Summary: A oneshot. HisXTsu You know the drill.


Confused

-Hisoka's Point of View-

This is ridiculous…

Today started out like any other day. I got up, showered, ate at least I think and came to work. But why can't I stop thinking about him! He's my partner, my friend and that's it. I only want him to be my friend, that's all right…

Crap, the office door is opening, and if I know that aura, I'd have to say it's Tsuzuki. He walks in. Crap I hate it when I'm right. Why did he have to come in now. I was just trying to forget that I was thinking about him.

"Hey Hisoka. Wut's up?"

"You're late." I reply. I can't let him know that I was thinking about him at all.

He flinches. I smirk in response. I have to act like this. If I show him that I care things will change between us and I'm not sure that I'm ready for something like that.

"You won't tell Tatsumi, will you?" he whines, giving me his infamous puppy look.

"Fine, but don't expect me to always cover your ass."

"Thank you" and he hugs me. In all honesty I don't mind it, but that's not how I'm suppose to act. If I don't act a certain way, he may suspect something.

"Get off of me." I say sternly, leaving no room for argument.

"No, you're warm"

Ok. What the heck. That is not what's suppose to happen. I mean I know things have changed after Kyoto, how could they not. But it's this unspoken treaty between us. We're suppose to act like nothing has changed. Sure he tries to be around me more often and I'm not as harsh on him as I use to be, but we're friends right? That's all…

But for some reason, somewhere inside of me hurts, this pain that I can't seem to describe, but why? Why do I feel this. At this point I realize that he's still holding me. Crap now I'm blushing.

"Hisoka. You know it's cute when you blush like that." he says.

Of course I blush even more now. Damn it. Why do I always blush. I'm cursed.

"I'm not cute. And Let go!"

"Come on Hisoka, please."

"No. Now let go!" I push away. Emotionally and Physically. He lets me go rather reluctantly. And then there was the awkward silence. Dear God. It seemed to go on forever, thankfully Tatsumi walked in the office at that moment.

"You have a case. Am I interrupting something?" he says, realizing that the room seems to have some sort of tension, that even I'm not sure why it's there. Honestly.

I take this as my chance to leave and hurry out of the room. I practically sprint to the meeting room. I slip in and take my seat. Tsuzuki arrives a moment later and sits next to me. There's still this awkwardness between us, even now. I simply ignore it. I have more important things to worry about. This new case for that matter.

"There has been some strange activities in the city of Nagasaki. There are currently three sisters sprits who have refused to move on. You two need to go and send them on." Tatsumi said.

Great…another one of these cases. They are routine, but even five months after Kyoto, Tsuzuki is still having trouble with cases, even ones as simple as this. He can't seem to understand that their deaths aren't his fault.

"You two will be sharing a room, since I don't expect this case to take too long, and this will save me, I mean the division some money." Tatsumi said. He's not fooling anyone. Everyone knows Tatsumi can't stand to spend any extra money.

"Is that all?" I ask. Please let it be so, the silent Tsuzuki is starting to bother me.

"Yes that is, but I need to speak with you Hisoka before you leave. Alone."

Crap. Why did he have to say that.

"Tsuzuki. You can go to your office and read over the case files. Hisoka will be there shortly." Tsuzuki left without saying anything. What the heck is going on. This is not the normal Tsuzuki.

"Hisoka. I need to talk to you about Tsuzuki." Tatsumi says.

Oh crap. Does he know how confused I am. The way I'm feeling. There's no way. I'm the only empath right?

"What about Tsuzuki?" I say cautiously.

"Lately he's been acting slightly odd. You have been as well. Is there something going on between you two?" he asks, trying not to sound demanding.

Like hell I'm gonna tell him how I'm feeling. "No" is all I say. That's all he's getting out of me.

"Hisoka. If that was the case, then why have you two been avoiding each other like the plague."

"We have not. I've been busy…" Okay that was a bold face lie. But this is Tatsumi, I can trust him right. Maybe he can help me figure out this feeling. No. I don't need anyone's help. I can figure this out on my own.

"Hisoka.." he sighs. Damn. I'm in for a lecture.

"Hisoka. I understand that things have changed since Kyoto. They have for everyone, especially you and Tsuzuki. I don't know what happened exactly in the serpent's flames, but whatever it was, it was enough to bring Tsuzuki back. I know that there's something between you two, but you're both to stubborn to do anything about it."

"How would you know!" I interrupt. "I'm not even sure how I feel so how would you know."

He smirks. Damn it. I hate it when people do that it means they know more than you.

"It doesn't take an empath to figure some thins out. Just don't let your fear and doubt control you. Just let things happen."

"That's easy for you to say. I've never done that before. The only times my life has been out of my control was…" I can't finish, But I need to say this. "I've never needed anyone before. I've always been independent. I can't yet comprehend needing someone. It's foreign to me. It scares me…" I trail off. Why did I just say all of that to Tatsumi. Of all people him. It's not even Watari. I have no idea what's going on today, but I'm screwed right now.

He does something I didn't expect. He says "Hisoka. I understand. You Don't need to force yourself, just let things happen naturally. He cares enough about you to not force you as well."

I was about to respond when he interrupts. "You better get going. Tsuzuki must be wondering what's taking you so long."

He drooped the subject. Are you kidding me. That's not what I excepted. Oh well. I better get going. I quickly leave the room. I head down the hall and come to the office. Why am I so nervous, this isn't like me at all. I take a deep breath and enter the office.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank God that's done. We just finished sending the three spirits on. They weren't very hard to convince actually. The only problem is that Tsuzuki hasn't said anything since we left their house. At this point we're heading back to the hotel. I guess we don't feel like going back and doing paper work, so we're going to stay the night.

We get to the hotel and check in, The clerk gives us a weird look. Are all the people we meet perverted or what. I grab the keys, slightly irritated and head to the room with Tsuzuki following behind me. Have I mentioned that he's still not saying anything to me. This is going to drive me insane. I reach the door to our room, unlock it, and head inside.

Oh, crap. There in the middle of the room is one bed. No way. This is evil. There's no way I'm going to sleep in the same bed as Tsuzuki when I'm not even sure how I feel about him. No. This can't be happening.

"Hisoka is something wrong? You're standing in the door way not moving." he said. At least he's speaking again.

"I'm fine it's just…" I point. I can't even say it, that's pathetic.

He seems to now what I'm trying to say, and for some reason his aura becomes slightly depressed, before it's hidden from me. Why does he always push me out, he never lets me see how he's really feeling.

He sighs and walks over and sit on the bed. He motions for me to sit next to him. I try to act reluctant as I walk over. I don't want to show that I feel any different, that I care…

"Hisoka." he starts. "If you don't want to share a bed with me, I'll just sleep on the floor. I really don't mind."

I sigh. I can't let him do something like that. "It's alright Tsuzuki. I suppose I just over reacted a little. Sorry…"

"You have nothing to apologize for. I Understand."

"You do. I don't even understand myself."

He's silent.

"I'm sorry that was an awkward comment." I say and begin to stand up.

I feel a hand grab my arm. Before I know it, I'm in Tsuzuki's lap and he's holding me.

"Don't go please." he says as he tightens his grip on me. His voice is filled with hurt. I'm torn. How am I suppose to act like normal, or… I slowly return the hug. He signs in contentment. It's then that I remembered Tatsumi's words _'I know that there's something between you two, but you're both to stubborn to do anything about it' _

"Tsuzuki." I whisper. He nods against me, pushing my head further on to his chest. "I need to tell you something."

He lets me up, but keeps me in his lap. Now that I think about it, this is a rather suggestive position. Yet, the fact that he has his arms around my waist, suggests that he has no intension of letting me go. I can't help but blush, which earns me a smile. But it's fragile, not completely there.

"What's going on Tsuzuki. You've been very quiet today and I know something is bothering you."

He looks way. "It's none of your concern. I don't want to burden you with my problems."

I look up at him. "You're not burdening me. If anything I'm the burden. You always have to save me, and I can't be that much help to you. I don't even have a shiki, and can barely use any fuda. You are not the burden, I am."

He seems shocked and then embraces me again. "You are not a burden, and don't ever think that you are. To me you are never a burden."

"Tsuzuki…" I have to admit, I like being held. It's something I didn't have as a child, and it means a lot to me. But, how do I tell him that. How do I tell him how I feel…

"Tsuzuki. I have an important question to ask you…"

He pulls back and looks me straight in the eyes. "What is it?"

"It's kind of complicated...I'm not sure how to explain it..."

"Please try to explain it. You can trust me."

I do. That's the thing. I do trust him, but do I trust him enough to not hurt me.

"You see… there's this person I like… and I'm not sure if I should tell them…I mean, I don't think they return my feelings, and I don't know what to do..." I trail off.

He looks stunned and Hurt? Why does he seem hurt? Does he not return my feelings. But as soon as that hurt was there, it's gone. Hidden behind walls, that I can't seem to penetrate.

"I think you should tell them. If you don't you will always wonder what if? It's better to take that chance. Right?"

"But, what if they don't return my feelings. I don't think I could handle them rejecting me…"

"I don't think they'll reject you, but I could help you if I knew how this person is. Do I know this person?"

Of course you do, It's you, you idiot. But, I can only nod. He seems surprised for some reason.

"Then I think you should tell them. I don't think anyone there would reject you like you think, but it really would help if I knew who it was…"

I'm hesitant. Do I really want to follow through with this. No. I can't. I just can't, but I have to. I've come to far and if I don't act now I may not get another chance.

"What if I said the person was you…" I trail off. Holy crap, Did I just say that out loud. I think I did, because now Tsuzuki is looking at me in shock again. Man I screwed up.

I think I'm crying. I start to stand up, but before I get to my feet, I feel arms encircle me and I'm pulled back down. I'm embraced by Tsuzuki as I cry. I don't really know why I'm crying, I guess it's because I know that there's no way that he'll return my feelings.

"I just wanted to tell you that…"

"Tell me what exactly." I look up and he's smiling at me. So needless to say I'm confused. I think he notices and asks "What is you are saying?"

I get it. He's going to make me say it, then reject me. "I love you Tsuzuki."

"I suppose after kyoto I wanted to be near you, but I was afraid of saying anything. I mean, I thought you knew how I felt after that, but I guess not. I understand if you don't love me like that, but I wanted to tell you. I mean I know that you couldn't possibly feel the same way. I mean… I don't know…" I trail off.

I'm staring to cry again. "I know that there's no possible way for someone like you to love someone like me, but I had hoped… I know you don't want me. You deserve someone who hasn't been tainted. Not someone else's doll. Not a demon child. There's no way…" I'm crying, sobbing, this rejection hurts.

I feel myself pulled into a fierce embrace. I cling to Tsuzuki's shirt and cry.

"You are NOT tainted. You are NOT his doll Hisoka. Don't you ever refer to yourself as that again. You are no ones possession. You are you, You're innocent Hisoka. You are not a demon. If there's a demon here it's me…"

"NO!" I yell. "You are not a demon! You perfect! You're you. I could never love a demon, and You're NOT one!" I cry.

He seems shocked again and all I can do is cry. After who knows how long my tears finally slow and I try to get up, but Tsuzuki won't let me.

"Tsuzuki, let me go."

"No. Never again. I'm never going to let go of you again." he says.

"Tsuzuki…"

"I was afraid. Afraid that if I was to confess my feelings to you, I would scare you away. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did that. But now I can say it. I love you Hisoka. I have for so long now. Don't leave me. Don't ever leave again."

I'm stunned. I never thought that he would return my feelings. I don't know what to do. This has never happened to me before.

"So, what happens now? I don't know anything about this kind of thing." that's all I can ask.

"Well…lets start with this." he replies. He cups my chin and tilts it upwards. Before I know it, Tsuzuki has pressed his lips against mine in a soft, non-demanding way. I slowly return it, bringing my hands around Tsuzuki's neck to give me better access.

Much kissing ensues.----------------------------------------------------------

When we finally break apart. I'm overwhelmed and rather tired. That one bed looks rather nice right now. Apparently Tsuzuki is thinking the same thing. He lifts me up. I have to grab onto his neck to keep from falling. He smiles at me and I can only return the smile. He pulls the covers back and sets me down, removing extra articles of clothing that I don't need to sleep in. I lay down as he rids himself of extra clothing as well. He then joins me under the covers.

The next thing I know, I'm pulled into his arms, with my head lying on his chest. He feels warm and for once I can feel his emotions. There the same as mine. Contentment, caring, affection, and love. I snuggle against him. Honestly, who would have thought that I'd use the word snuggle to describe something that I was doing. Wow, things have changed, we both have.

He sighs and runs his free hand through my hair as the other one is draped around my waist. I sigh. I have never felt anything this good.

"Hisoka…"

"Yea."

"Why were you so certain I rejected you?" he asks concern written all over his face.

"No one has ever loved me Tsuzuki. I thought my parents did and then they rejected me. After that I closed myself off. It's hard for me to show any kind of affection or open up to anyone, you're the first. I don't give my trust freely anymore. I learned that you can't trust everyone, but I trust you. I always have for some odd reason, from the first moment I met you, I never understood why. Maybe It's because of our pasts, but I really don't know. I'm still scared. Scared that you'll leave me or get sick of me…"

He kisses my forehead. "That'll never happen Hisoka. I'll never leave you. You're mine now and I'm yours. Nothing will ever change that.

I can't help it but I cry. When did I become such a wimp. He just holds me and kisses my forehead, then each of my eyes, my nose and finally my mouth. Return the kiss, when he pulls away, I just snuggle back into his chest.

"Good night Tsuzuki. I love you…"

"Night Soka, and I love you too."

With that I let the dark abyss of sleep take me. For tonight I will not dream of Muraki but of Tsuzuki.

-End-

I dedicate this stroy to my best friend. This story reminds me of her. She's a lot like Hisoka. So alike it's kind of scary. Well... I hope you enjoyed the story. Please review! and Thanks for reading.


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